We fear the big get togethers, worrying about whether seeing the joy and excitement of the children and parents in our lives will be a painful reminder of what we don't yet have. Or worse still we worry about whether others will notice our pain and react to it in a way that shows their inability to really understand what the struggle of living with infertility means to us.
The once exciting questions of 'what will 2018 be for you?' because we don't know.... we continue our journey; wait for our next appointment, or treatment. All the time trying to foster our hope but also making sure we quash it before the ember gets too bright.
But yet year after year, we get through, find moments of joy and connection, we get the chance to take a deep breath and remember what warriors each and everyone of us are, and how each heartache or difficult moment of the last year, has prepared us for the challenges we face moving forward. Its okay to feel tired, its okay to be sad and its okay to do whatever you need to get through.
Whatever you are doing or feeling over the next few weeks, please don't forget you are not alone, we'll be keeping an eye on the facebook group and e-mail over Christmas if you need some-one to talk to and have a meeting scheduled on the 9th Jan.
Take care everyone
Paula and Tom.